More Crack Smoking

For those of you who frequent this page, the writings are usually about the occurrances, nuiances, and challenges we amateurs face on the golf course in our quest to stay sane. It's usually very lighthearted, with interesting anecdotes we can all relate to. Sometimes the writing is deep, sometimes is just a few scenarios that have happened during a recent round.

That brings us to winter time when there is no golf here in New Jersey. Not playing golf causes some angry writing, which is what you have just seen in the previous post.

This new post will be no different. It's no secret that we're in an economic crisis given the news every day telling us about which billion dollar government bailout they're deciding to implement. Of course of all the choices they have, none of them will help us, the middle class, hard workers who actually do pay their bills. Ok enough about that. My point is that at the moment, money isn't just being thrown around (except for AIG hosting million dollar seminars even though they got government bailout money).

That was until I noticed that there was a 4 man golf tournament over 2 days in Australia called the Kiwi Challenge. Anthony Kim (millionaire), Brandt Snedeker (millionaire), Hunter Mahan (millionaire), and Adam Scott (multi multi millionaire) competed in the 2 day tournament in which the total prize fund was $2.6 million. The winner getting $1.5, and guy taking last getting a mere $250,000.

Can you see what I'm getting at? All this money is given to millionaires who don't even have to work for it. Do they really deserve to earn this type of payout for not even really competing??? Why not grab 4 amateurs and let them play for this type of money. You could change 4 peoples lives. And don't tell me it wouldn't be good TV. 90% of the golfing world are amateurs and we would like nothing more than to watch people make the same mistakes that we do.

It's absolutely absurd that there's an event like that given the economy at this time. But don't worry, there will be no lessons learned as in a few weeks there will be the LG Skins Game. You remember playing skins with your foursome right? You're pissed because you just lost a 3 hole carryover which costs you $3. But there's a difference. The people that are competing in this Skins Game don't have to pony up any money at all. They only have to win it because all the money is provided for the tournament. It's once again 4 multi millionaires who don't have to work another day in their life who get the chance to win over a million dollars.

It's enough to make me wanna hang up the sticks out of sheer disgust.

This Would Make the Pope Smoke Crack

Sorry guys, it's been a while but there hasn't been anything exciting going on in pro golf or my amateur debacles. As a matter of fact, we haven't been on the golf course since August. Golf certianly loses it's luster after August considering it gets absolutely pummeled by football.

Well there was that whole Ryder Cup the US won which was actually pretty exciting. I'm re-capping from memory but we had a few young guns in Hunter Mahan, Anthony Kim, and Boo Weekley who could be a permanent fixture over the next few Ryder Cups. If you haven't seen it, check out the youtube video of Boo Weekley doing the Happy Gilmore 'Bull Dance' after teeing off on the last day of singles. If you're too lazy to visit youtube, Weekley had his driver in his hand and after he walked off the first tee, he threw it between his legs and began to ride it like a bull, whipping it as it bucked back at him. Anthony Kim manhandled the US Ryder Cup nemesis, Sergio Garcia, even calling out the Spaniard on an unplayable lie/stance that Sergio tried to ask the rules officials for a free drop on. After much debate in which Kim wasn't budging, he replied to Garcia, "just do what you need to do." Basically using my signature line, "if you can sleep at night". It was great to get the Cup back to the Americans.

Getting back to what will piss off all 6 of you who read this website. A few months ago Golf Digest profiled an amateur golfer who improved his game tremendously over about a 6 month period. During this time his handicap dropped from an 18 to a 12 and they provided a detailed summary of how he improved his game.

Here's the summary and how Golf Digest is proud of this amateur for improving his game. I don't remember his name so we'll call him Mr. Douchebag. Well Mr. Douchebag made himself quite a profit over an 8-9 year period writing bad mortgages and taking advantage of low rates to write mortgages that weren't ever thinkable 15 years ago. Mr. Douchebag profited big time when all his interest only mortgages he wrote finally hit the 5 year mark. At the 5 year mark, people's mortgage payments doubled and even tripled, thus padding Mr. Douchebag's pocket at an alarming rate. Well, when the mortgage crisis hit, and the consumers could no longer afford the tripled mortgage payment for Mr. Douchebag, the forclosure rate went through the roof and the houses were being returned to the bank. This still gave Mr. Douchebag about a 5 year window where he saw nothing but extreme profit so even though the mortgage crisis had hit, he was still sitting pretty on unethical, collected funds. It gets better.

In the interview Mr. Douchebag explains that when that crisis hit, he had some time on his hands. He basically had about a year where he didn't have to work and still had plenty of funds in reserve. How do I know this without him never specifically saying that? Well in order to kill all that time he had, he spent his days and nights at the country club he belonged to. He also spent a ton of time with the head pro and was able to get a month of lessons. Mr. Douchebag had enough money to spend on lessons, and keep his membership current, and practice all those shots the magazines tell us to practice. The head pro gave him all the lessons he needed and he could play golf every day to see if his game was improving. If you're not getting pissed off at the absurdity of this I'll continue.

Golf Digest actually awarded Mr. Douchebag with the 'Most Improved Amateur' because he lowered his handicap that much in such a short time. They included all of the information that I wrote, obviously in a different manner and actually praised this horrible person. This is just another example of just how out of touch with reality the golf people really are. They went on to say that he was a great example of how practice and hard work can improve your game. At this point, I'm ready to go on a shooting spree.

Here's the real summary that Golf Digest never realized they wrote. If you lie, cheat, or steal to put yourself in a good financial position, you can take a year off from work and play golf every day. Join that country club you've been wanting to join, and get to know the head pro real good by paying about $150 an hour for lessons. Then practice every day and make sure you follow up with the pro so you don't get back into your bad habits. But don't worry, you've made enough unethical money that there's plenty in the tank and you don't even have to look for a job yet. Besides, getting better at golf is really important for an amateur. Ignore all those headlines that talk about a 'borderline depression' or an 'economic crisis' because not only does that not apply to you, if you think about it, you're not concentrating on lowering your handicap.

Mr. Douchebag please put the clubs away. Golf, while it will always be a rich mans sport, is for people with integrity and honor. Yes, even poor people like me and the guys in my foursome pony up a few bucks once a week to play golf. And while we'll never have the luxury of playing every day, getting lessons once a week, and having the resources to practice all the shots we're supposed to, we can lay down at night and know we still have our integrity. Golf is not for people like you Mr. Douchebag. It's not for people who feed off the poor, or take advantage of the weak. I'm not one to wish ill will on anyone but one thing I do know, and I've already seen it recently, what goes around, comes around. That's not a threat, it's a fact.

Ok folks, let's have some comments on this one. I'm just curious to see if it's just me that finds this absurd.